If you had Chris “Inspector Gadget” Rushton winning a tournament in his rookie season, please raise your hand. I’m sure not many raised one but it didn’t matter one bit to Gadget Saturday morning at the fabled KenWo GC. Coming off a lackluster Masters and a triple bogey 7 at the first hole it looked like more of the same was in store. However, a stunning 41 on the Back Nine in gale force winds helped cap a storybook finish as Gadget held off a fast-charging Bob Maxwell-Smart and a fast-fading Sheriff Amirault to capture his first KWGA title by one stroke in just his ninth career start. “Things didn’t look good after that triple bogey, then I hit #2 green off of #3 tee, so I didn’t feel like I had my “A” game right from the get-go.” said a surprised Rushton. “I made a great bogey on #2 and that seemed to settle me down a bit. I was also motivated by playing with 2 guys Harold and I destroyed at the Coors Light 2 Man Scramble back in June. I got the same feeling from them as the Globetrotters do when they see the Washington Generals.”

With The Sheriff ballooning on the final 3 holes, the door was left open for Gadget who only needed a bogey on #18 to win. However, with the wind at its height and blowing straight into Gadget’s suddenly ashen face, he received saddening text that his golfing mentor Harold had already left the grounds. Gadget would be left on his own to try and close things out. A solid drive still left him 218 yards from the green. Conventional wisdom screamed for a lay up 9 iron…but conventional wisdom and victories do not come easy to 17 handicaps. A flared hybrid clattered off line and into the big green tree (I think its a fir) 80 yards from the green…but in the foot high heather grass. A miracle hooked pitched crashed off the bank and settled 20 feet under the hole for what could only be called Golfing Bliss. “I really thought he had no shot at all.” said a startled Commissioner. The angle was bad, overhanging tree limbs, wind, pressure. The shot of his KWGA career no doubt.” A solid two putts later and the victory was his. “Winning makes you feel like a golfer for a day.” said a now beaming Gadget. “The only problem was that I only got to celebrate with 3 people. We had some grouping issues and some hackers ahead of us who were all over the world all day so the boys had cleared out by the time I got up there. Hopefully next time the TV cameras will find me when I play well.”

Making a resurgence Saturday was another TV cartoon of sorts, Bob Maxwell-Smart, who shook off some early season rust to run roughshod over the Back Nine, shooting a mind-boggling 36 in a swirling gale to finish in second just one stroke back. The only hiccup came at the Par 4 12th where his concentration was broken ever so slightly by his dog…or a feminine feline of some sort, slashing balls on the range. Whatever the case, Maxwell-Smart came up with the goods when it mattered most shooting a league best 76 gross. “Great day out there for me. My low ball-flight works well for me in the wind. I’m not quite LIMBO LOW like that Irwin character, but I know what I am doing out here.” said a smiling Smart. ‘There is a void on Tour now for a low ball hitter now that Irwin’s back to coaching. Hopefully this will carry over to next week…or the Limbo contest at Harold’s in a few weeks.”

Also having a golf epiphany Saturday was none other than The Sheriff, who, paired with old bum-buddy Smart, crashed the party for his first Top 3 in a Dog Year. A startling 38 Front Nine included 5 pars a birdie at #5 giving him the lead at The Turn. However, two hot dogs, a coke and a quick trip to the women’s washroom seemed to change the momentum of the round. “I know myself better than that.” said The Sheriif. “Every time I use that washroom I tend to drift a bit mentally. I started thinking about things other than golf, and POOF, my game went to sh**.” Indeed, after sneaking in some Bromance Time, The Sheriff threw in a double bogey at #12 and a triple bogey at #16 to lose grasp of his third career victory. “I could feel my napkin start to slide upward and it all just became too uncomfortable.” said a downcast Sheriff. “They don’t make them like they used to. Thanks anyway Bob.”

Ceratinly last but not least, the man simply known as Grampy captured his 8th Top 3 in 9 starts this season with a solid +1 round, increasing his lead in the FEDEX Standings to the point he could start actually working again and not have to worry about losing a spot in the playoffs. “Grampy has been nothing short of amazing this season.” said a star-struck Commissioner. “He is a guy we can promote without hesitation. He brings fans through the turnstiles week after week with very little controversy. Of course, that’s if you don’t include him living in sin.” The Windsor Spitfire did not card a birdie in his round of 77 and he let tournament organizers know that he did not agree with the course set up. “If they want me to do well, they need to do a better job of putting the pins in open areas…or group me with some better players.” said Grampy. “They knew I would be in a bad mood with Kevin away this weekend.”

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS…

…WHEN YOUR GOLF BUDDIES DESERT YOU

“IS THIS WHERE YOU TEE IT UP?”

So, injuries happen and a fella can oversleep after a few too many Friday libations. Heck, I have “Rob Ford” as a league moniker because I overslept the first tournament of 2014. However, I am sure my group 2 years ago didn’t have to deal with what Mr. Gadget and I had to deal with Saturday. With Kelley out due to a stitch/cramp/menstrual cycle, and White still recovering from a Friday of indulgence, The Commissioner and Gadget stood together, naked and exposed to THE KENWO STARTER Saturday morning, who quickly took the opportunity to join us up with two golfing morons. “It was like watching two children fight for their mother’s milk.” said an exasperated Commissioner. “Taking 3-4 foot putts and fist pumping over made 2 footers for par, running commentary of every shot, teeing the ball 2 feet in front of the tee blocks.  It was like everything I heard about a round of golf with 2 brothers from Windsor. We missed you Mike and Arnie.”

THIS ISN’T WHAT HAPPENS…

…WHEN YOUR GOLF BUDDIES DESERT YOU

“Mr. Commissioner, we have someone who can’t find a game this morning. Do you mind if she joins you?” ~KenWo Satff

INJURY/MISSING IN ACTION REPORT

The KWGA season is a long a grueling affair, not for the faint of heart or thin-skinned. Ten weeks of the season have been completed and we have some men who are down, possibly out, missing, left the continent and/or injured. KWGA beat reporter “Scoop” McCracken was thereby summoned to get an update on several of the recently fallen.

“THE DENIM COWBOY” KENNY (Disabled List)

“C’mon Darrell…Say Uncle!”

BARRY BANNISTER-HENNIGAR (Missing)

“Honey, is there ANY chance we have outgrown this annual Toronto trip?”

JEFF “THIRD” LEGGE (Missing)

“Honey, the boys are teeing off in 30 minutes. Can we go now?”

News, Notes & Quotes

*”I can’t believe Harold didn’t stick around to see my win. He chose that freaking cottage over me…again! (sniffle)~Rushton

*We are looking for 3 more golfers for an overnight Digby trip on Tuesday July 27-28 during the Canadian Ladies Championship week at KenWo. (John Amirault is included in the 9, so we may only have 8.). Get in touch with me if you can come join us or let me know of anyone the KWGA (within reason) who may also be interested.

*The KWGA wishes Nick Waszczuk a safe and happy camping/hunting/fishing/hemp planting mission in Northern BC. We look forward to your return in August buddy!

*Next week is the Holly Sonders Golf Channel Memorial. Sign-up and tee time volunteer boxes have been posted on the website. The deadline to sign up is Monday Night at 9pm. We will be joined by Bob Thompson who will be taking on Wayne Burke in a match. The duo tied their 18 hole match last week. So this is Round 2 tie-breaker. Good luck Wayne!

*A reminder that we have 2 social events in July. Make plans to attend one or both. They will be dandies!

Saturday July 16-Tupper Lake (Mike & Mark)

Saturday July 23- Aylesford Lake (Harold)

See you next week!

~The Commissioner