MAGNOLIA MIKE!

Fogg Trumps Masters Field With Sizzling 64

The Tradition Continues. Defending Champion Weasie passes on the Green Jacket to 2018 Champion The Fogg.

From the little college town that could. From the hardwood floors of Horton High and Bowdoin College. From the golf gutter to its most hallowed grounds and treasured title. After years of turmoil, strife and spherical frustration, the man known simply as Fogg made Wolfville great again with a virtuoso performance at Saturday’s 6th annual KWGA Masters, winning his first career major in calm and convincing style. It was just twelve  months ago that Fogg finished dead last at KenWolia Lane and just four years ago that getting through 18 holes was a victory in itself. How the tables have turned. A gross 79 (-6) was good enough to clip a revitalized Inspector Gadget and a low gross Maxwell-Smart (75) in a riveting Masters that had everything but a summit with Kim Jong Un. “I can’t describe how I feel right now.” said a beaming Fogg. “When I made the commitment to golf years ago I never imagined it would be this difficult or take this long. Sports had always come  easy to me from the time I was being paternally “fundamentalized” in my backyard as a kid, repetition until perfection. I learned how to learn the old fashioned way, when Dad’s were allowed to let their kids fail, when kids were expected to fail without crying. To finally reach this pinnacle today is beyond description. It’s a testament to hard work, counting ’em all during the journey and finding small victories each round to build on. I am proof now that anyone can do it.”

What loomed large and unfamiliar to Fogg Saturday was the specter of expectation. Billed as a 2-1 favorite just behind two time back-to-back champion Weasie Locke, much was actually expected from a man who had never had a whiff of a major title. This because of consistent sub-70 net rounds heading into the event, a win a week ago at the Herbin Experience and some Men’s night magic just days before. If he was nervous about it, you couldn’t tell from the look on his face or his lack of warm-up heading into the round. However, Fogg would get off to a shaky start, a start that belied the confidence he exuded before teeing off. Bogies at #1, #2 and a double bogey at #4 quickly erased four strokes of his net cushion. Then the inner voices from his past must have kicked in. Fogg played the rest of the Front Nine level par, including a Commissioner cut-off birdie at #8 for a rock-solid 39 gross that put him three strokes behind Weasie and one stroke behind Inspector Gadget at -11. “It was difficult staying calm, especially after my birdie at #8.” said a reflective Fogg. “I knew I would be right in the hunt heading into Amen Orchard. That’s an area of the course I like and have played well in lately. Plus I saw Weasie starting to falter a bit.”

Leaderboard (Through 9 Holes)

Fogg would traverse Amen Orchard at one over par with a thunder bolt soon to follow. Playing partner Johnny “The Denim Cowboy” was also quietly in the hunt and would go a solid +2 through Amen Orchard on the last of his golfing fumes after a Friday Fundango at Avon Valley just hours before Masters tee off. It was a Fundango that would rock the Masters Organizers foundation just hours before tee off, but I digress. Gadget would also need two extra strokes for those top four holes but it was Weasie who would be the story at Amen Orchard. The city slicker would need eight extra swings to get through Amen Orchard, drastically swinging the tides of shit away from any three-peat. A devastating snowman at the Par 4 12th hole meant his lead had vanished, never to be regained. “I think I may have started to think about KWGA history and a few other things outside of golf.” said a resigned Weasie. “When you play golf once a month, yes, your mind is clear of negative thought, but ones natural talent level is all you have at that point, and well, you get the point.”

Leaderboard (Through 13 Holes)

With the 6th Masters in the balance, the tournament headed to the winning holes, KenWo’s most daunting finishing five, a five hole stretch that demands precision off the tee and includes three holes where double digit scores are possible. It is like trying to get through JR’s Tavern & Bar at 2am without seeing a woman with a limp, someone spitting at you or well, getting into a fight. The Fogg’s birdie at the 14th hole served notice that he was ready to take on the fight, or drag home that special someone with the limp. It gave him a two stroke lead after Gadget’s own solid par at the 14th. Denim Cowboy would bogey and then implode with a triple bogey 6 at the 15th, ostencibly ending his Masters chances. The tournament was down to two men heading into the scary 16th.

Leaderboard (Through 15 Holes)

Gadget would cut into the lead once more with a fantastic five at the brutish Par 4 16th hole, that after Fogg would falter with a double bogey on the same hole. The lead was now one. “Say what you want but when you know you are in probably leading The Masters with three holes to play, nerves are a factor.” said a relieved Fogg. “I knew anything I would do from this point on would be judged like my backyard games of one on one with my brother Duncan. I didn’t let him win when we were kids and I sure as bejeebers wasn’t going to let a computer geek beat me today.” For Gadget it was a new position for someone used to transistors, not surlyn wrapped spheres. A double bogey at the Par 5 17th would mean only a Fogg meltdown over the courses’ last 900 yards would stand between him and a Green Jacket. “Those are a treacherous 900 yards.” said a steadfast Commissioner. “Finding the fairway on 17 isn’t easy and missing the pond on 18 isn’t exactly a given either. Much was to be decided still. I don’t care what Trump, Rodman  or Kim Jong Un say.”

Leaderboard (Through 17 Holes)

With an underwear full of tension and trailing by a single stroke, Gadget would struggle with the dastardly 18th hole, carding a double bogey six giving The Fogg some extra linen lined breathing room as he stood on the 18th tee. Fogg would find the fairway, safely avoid the pond with his approach, nestling his ball just short of the green in the rough right of the green. His 70 foot chip would curl pin high to 7 feet. All that was left was a 2 putt for victory. Fogg would miss the 7 footer but tap in for bogey 5 and the victory. “I was grinding over that putt.” said a now dripping Fogg. “I could hear the chatter on the hill behind me. They were probably telling stories about how I used to shoot 102 on Saturday’s…and now here I was putting for The Masters.” said Fogg. “The giggling and teasing shall stop now. Mission accomplished. This game is easy. Is the Wolfville Lawn Bowling Club opening up again anytime soon? Maybe I can Master that sport too,”

KWGA FEDEX CUP UPDATE

The Fogg’s Masters win vaulted the Wolfville bred champion to 1st place in the overall standings with a commanding 144.5 points. Inspector Gadget also jumped into 2nd place overall with 108.0 points while a soon to be vacationing Mr. Wildcat holds down third for the moment with 105.5 points. Wildcat will be hoping to hang around in the Top 8 qualifiers while he goes and practices his on air persona with a certain employee of the NHL Network for the next 2 Saturdays. Mr. October, The Commissioner, Maxwell-Smart Grampy and The 4th Reich hold down the rest of the Top 8 Qualifying spots. Bannister-Hennigar and a fast charging Biggest Johnson are close behind and will be no doubt trying to make a big push over the next few weeks before their significant others pull the plug on the amateur golf progress. Look for Biggest Johnson to put in some good work to find his spot in the summer fields as the Hants County Predator has been playing his best golf in the last 20 years. “I saw what Gary is capable of Friday at Avon Valley and again yesterday at The Masters. If he isn’t in the Top 8 qualifiers for the FEDEX Playoffs, then it’s Biddy’s fault. The guy has been reborn now that retirement is closing in.

The FEDEX Cup regular season runs through the Holly Sonders Golf Channel Memorial on Saturday August 11, 2018 with the Quarter-Finals commencing on Saturday August 18, 2018 at the Barclays Championship. Go to STANDING-FEDEX CUP to see full standings and details.

“C’mon guys. Plan ahead. I am worth fighting for.” ~Holly

NEW SIGN-IN VOTING POLL

Fellas, I was able to find a new software “widget” to replace our old one that had begun to malfunction. I apologize for the chaos it may have caused over the last two weeks. Let’s get back to our old system and away from emailing me to sign up each week. LET’S USE THE SIGN-UP POLL ON THE WEBSITE.

Note: I have made one change to the voting poll. I have condensed two polls into one. Each week you may click on BOTH “Yes” for golf on Saturday and “I Will Get a Tee Time” if you so choose. If you have ANY questions about this please contact me. Thanks.

SOCIAL EVENTS CALENDAR

The next social event on our calendar is Harold’s Cheeseburger Picnic on Saturday July 21. Here is the rest of what I know as of this writing.

Saturday August 18- Darrell Cook & Johnny Kenny’s (Wolfville)

If you would like to host a social event or if I have missed something, please get in contact with me with a date and I will post it on the website under SOCIAL EVENTS. Thanks.

NEWS, NOTES & QUOTES

*”ich denke, darrell hat sich verletzt “Motivator Cuff” yesterday.” ~4th Reich.  Loosely translated that means “I think Darrell injured his “Motivator Cuff” this morning.

*Word out of The Miramichi is that Bud caught a cold, 24 Keith’s and one big fish story that keeps getting bigger. Missed ya on Saturday but hope you had a great time with pops and your brother!

*Saturday’s Masters marked the first time Weasie finished outside of the Top 3 at The Masters. “It’s been a good run for me. Winning twice was amazing but what is more amazing is that it cost me $75 to engrave the trophy. Even more amazing than that is that I managed not to lose the Green Jacket and trophy. I mean I had the friggin’ thing for 24 months. Some of you guys can’t even keep a scorecard right for 4 hours let alone look after something for 24 months.”

*”What? Someone else birdied #17? I am NOT coming upstairs”~The Sheriff   Everyone already knows that John.  Update: Alas, just moments after that whining statement, it was discovered The Sheriff won a rang with a par….a PAR! There is no justice I tell you. None.

*Great day yesterday fellas. It’s one thing to create a platform but you have to have followers and people who believe. Just ask Hilary Clinton. See you next Saturday!

WILL YOU PLEASE SHAVE!