What do you get when a Shih-Tzu and a Doberman start playing “sniffing in circles?” I know, I didn’t want to think about that either but the golf universe is forced to now that the epic battle of Locke vs Elliott has seen it’s first installment in what surely will be many more this KWGA season. The Weasel entered Saturday armed with his first career Top 3 finish just two weeks earlier at the Flower Cart Classic, and after taking a week off tour to set up his “boy-bonding” cabin deep in the New Brunswick forest, stormed out of the gates Saturday with his brand of bogey golf and 18 handicap that strikes fear in the hearts of every single-digit opponent. Double-Double countered with his brand of “Scooby Snack” pars, 8 in all on the Front Nine for a tidy 36 that kept him in the hunt. However, it was his outburst of birdie pelts on the Back Nine that started the gallery roars. Consecutive birdies at holes #12, 13, 14 and 15 had some thinking a 29 could be in order. Battling deteriorating conditions that had the shit barometer wagging uncontrollably, Double-Double completed his Back Nine with his own brand of doggie justice with super pars on 16, 17 and 18, including one from the weeds high above the green on the final hole. The “Dandelion Miracle” gave Elliott a share of the Skoal Bandits title and a grand defense of the championship he won last season.

“Any time you can defend something you have to be happy.” said Double-Double. “These guys are coming at me now, week after week, with a look in their eyes I haven’t seen since my own dog entered his first mating season. You have to give credit to Weasie, he hung in there when he isn’t exactly armed with a lot of golf weapons. I am happy to share the title this week with him. Let’s just hope we never see the true results of a Shih Tzu and Doberman.”

For Weasie, the second straight Top 3 result vaulted him into a tie for 5th in the FEDEX Cup standings with 38.5 points. Locke finished 2014 with just one (1) point in 3 starts, so the beginning to 2015 can only mean one thing…less hunting? “Let’s not go jumping off any bridges.” said Weasie. “I feel much better with a rifle in my hands compared to a golf club, but this feels pretty good. Being able to compete with a Doberman like Double-Double is not something I ever bothered dreaming about before today. I mean, only in the KWGA right? I just hope I get another crack at him this season. Dog Treat Heaven I say.”

Saturday also saw the continued strong play from The Sheriff whose 3rd place finish kept him atop the FEDEX leadersboard with 52.5 points. Many pundits were predicting the beginning of the end for the best fake cop this side of Jim Lahey after his handicap fell from 13 to 11 entering the Skoal Bandits Shootout. However, like his cat-walk off-spring, The Sheriff pranced and preened his way to a tidy 82 (+1) that has left the KWGA world scratching their heads. “People don’t know me and how hard I prepare week in and week out.” said The Sheriff. “When you wear a badge you have to know how to think like a criminal, carry a big stick and be willing to use your gun once in a while just to keep people honest. Take THAT KWGA I say.”

The Universal, and PG rated way of saying “Take That!!”.

However, the days story could not end without mention of the 2015 debut of Bob “BIP” Trainor, whose 3 pars marked the first in a competitive round since the 1993 Club Championship. “BIP” also took home the stupidest wardrobe award with his choice of short skirt on a 2 degree day with a smattering of ice pellet rain that had many wondering if he had had a testicular lobotomy over the winter. “Guys can say what they want about my golf game and wardrobe choice.” said BIP. “I bet none of them ever lined up on a frozen grid iron with 250 lb men trying to tear their eyes out in -10 temperatures. So this playing golf thing in shorts is not exactly that difficult. Being a Eunuch (google it) isn’t that bad either.”

News, Notes & Quotes

-“I have some issues going on right now.” ~Scott Woodworth   The comment came after Woodworth found the trees lining one of 18 fairways Saturday morning.

-Saturday’s Skoal Bandits Shootout became the coldest round on record since last season’s Avon Lea Open. It even hailed in Truro after speaking with some.

-Next Saturday the KWGA hits the road to Avon Valley GC in Windsor. We have 13 golfers signed up thus we will require 4 tee times. I would suggest that you give me as much time as possible if you are withdrawing this week so that we can cancel any extra tee times. We want to be fair to Avon Valley. Hopefully this won’t happen. A “BYOB” social gathering is happening at Wayne’s following the round. We will be BBQ some hamburgers and hot dogs. If you need directions to Wayne’s please email him as I am not the best finding his house (I always seem to be travelling there when its pitch dark out!). You are welcome to come to Wayne’s even if you cannot play golf. I will post the tournament draw on the website (Avon Lea Open tab) early Friday morning. This is a regular KWGA event with FEDEX points and rangs up for grabs!