THE CADDY SHACK-KENWOLIA LANE

June 24, 2015

Another day of rain in The Valley meant that little could be done in the way of preparation for this Saturday, so many players were left to toss and turn one more night. However, KWGA Sportsnet reporter Holly Sonders was able to catch up with “Shooter” MacKay while going over strategy with his caddy on the periphery of the KenWo grounds. The Shooter enters The Masters this week with little fanfare and a bit of an enigma as his only appearance on Tour this season was washed out by rain. Holly filed this report.

“The Shooter” took time out with Holly Wednesday morning. “This is big. I know what’s at stake. I will use my 6 strokes to the best of my ability.”~Shooter

Holly: “Shooter, we all know about last season, three Top 3’s in all the Majors but you haven’t been playing much on the KWGA Tour this season. What should we expect from you this week?”

Shooter: “First of all, you look great Holly. You can take me away from my daily responsibilities any time you want….What was the question again?….Oh, right, my chances this week. Listen Holly, these guys think all I do all day is drink coffee, shout orders and pretend to look busy. What they don’t know is that I sneak out with Kuper-Scooper just about every night out here and get my swings in. Heck, the kid hits it straighter than I do but I know how to golf my ball. Major championships is when I shine. I don’t expect anything different this Saturday. I wear a size 40 jacket by the way…a 34 sleeve.”

Holly: “What if something comes up during the round, say like, some wedding planning, or a back shop boy misplaces a member’s clubs. Will you withdraw?

Shooter: “Holly, everything is under control. Dan and Derek are not “Mutt and Jeff”, they can handle spilled milk in the Pro Shop. All I am focused on right now is getting my game where it needs to be. Saturday will be the epitome of concentration at its highest level. By the way Holly….are those real?

Holly: “That’s not great concentration Shooter. Do you have anything else you want your fans to know before you tee it up Saturday?”

Shooter: “I am out for blood Saturday. Rangs, trophies, banners and most importantly, jackets. Where else can a guy win a great jacket outside of Augusta, Ga. Holly? Only at KenWo babe.”

PAST CHAMPION…PAST HIS PRIME?

The long and winding road sometimes finds potholes, and for one time KWGA Masters Champion Bob Maxwell-Smart, the 2015 season has found more “hole” than pavement. Perhaps no player struck fear in the souls of golfers in majors quite like Maxwell-Smart did in 2013 and 2014. Precise, calculated and calm, Maxwell-Smart has leaned on these skills to break down higher handicaps like a Nick Faldo farm-bred clone. Whispers around the KWGA have been as cruel as a kids playground and for his part Maxwell-Smart doesn’t like it. “I don’t care what Wayne and Rod say when I am not around. I can still play this game. In fact I beat Murray in a playoff to win my green jacket, so he should be the last bowler to talk.” said Maxwell-Smart. “I know what it takes to win. Yes, my 3 handicap is a major obstacle this Saturday, but I can get hot. These guys can think I don’t have anything left in the tank.They should know better. I figure 71 (-2) will give me a shot. Let’s just see where the chips fall.”

THE SHERIFF…THE HUNTED

After a lifetime of meaningless golf, one man has risen from the ashes in 2015 to make his mark on something other than a toilet bowl. The Sheriff has taken the KWGA by storm this season leading the FEDEX standings after 6 events creating a hysteria on tour not seen since Waldo-Murray made it to Medford Beach. However, many are wondering if the back woods Kentville man has what it takes to win a major championship. There is no questioning The Sheriff’s talent with the driver but will be be able to drain that critical putt down the stretch…or finally turn off his cell phone? “These guys on tour don’t realize one critical thing about me….” said The Sheriff. I don’t really give two shits whether I win or lose. It’s all about who has the most fun, telling jokes and dropping trow once in a while. I guess that’s been the secret of my success so far. I try and stay as golf loose as my trousers are.”

My word of advice for The Sheriff Saturday? Wear that wristband I saw in your car…”I love my church.”

BARITONE BARRY UNDER THE RADAR

Perhaps the KWGA’s biggest kept secret this season has been the solid play of Barry Bannister-Hennigar. Sitting 5th in the race for the FEDEX Cup, Hennigar has played a sweet baritone tune on most all of his KWGA brethren. Blessed with his “twinkle-toes” swing and tempo so slow, Hennigar proved he could bang it deep with the best of them, winning the long drive contest at Medford Beach last Saturday. The combination of power and grace has largely gone unnoticed because of his quiet demeanor, except with a guitar in his hands. “Every good band needs that glue guy, the guy who will take orders, stay quiet and play the hell out of his instrument. I think I am that guy. Saturday is my chance to step out of the background and let everyone see what I am made of. Let them hear my golf voice.” said Hennigar. “If I can get my putter working Saturday this will be my title to win. If not, I can go back to playing bass guitar and let Jagger get back in front of the band.”