Builders make things happen…That’s just what makes this world go around. So it was Saturday afternoon at fabled Avon Valley GC as the KWGA’s club house builder, Mr. October Fisher, hammered and nailed his way to a two stroke victory at the 4th annual Avon Lea Open on a cold, drizzly day. The feat was all that more impressive when considering the distractions and pitfalls that surrounded him in the KWGA’s “Decibel Champion” Hunchback Newcombe and reformed Angry Bird. “It wasn’t that difficult. All I had to do was pretend I was their wives.” said a monotone Fisher. “They giggled and yelled stuff in my backswing all day. I grew up listening to the backhoes and dump trunks smashing loads around. Kevin and Kevin? Please, they sounded like kittens comparitively. Happy to get the win today in front of my son. Now he may believe some of my golf stories I have told him over the last four years.”

Fisher & Fisher staring in disbelief at the Avon Lea Scoreboard. “You see son, I haven’t been lying.”

Footnote: Harold became the first father to beat his son on Tour since Grampy beat Mr. Wildcat in the FEDEX Finals 2 season ago. (Nice to have you along Brady.)

After double bogies at #1 and #2, Mr. October settled down with a dazzling birdie putt on #3 to right his dump trunk. A front nine 44 had him in good stead heading into the back nine. Another birdie at the dastardly devilish Par 4 12th hole meant something special was brewing. “I am not sure how anyone hits and then makes a putt on that microdot green.” said an amazed Commissioner. “That green is canted front to back more than The Sheriff’s hairline. In other words, that’s a LOT!” A back nine 43 all meant the New Aylesford resident had captured his second title of 2017 and fifth career on Tour. “I can’t say enough about all of the support I have been getting this season.” said a now smiling Mr. October. “I have more air miles on my body in the last 3 months than the President of the United States. I even had to mule some Skoal across the border this week. That can wear down a fella if one doesn’t pace themselves. We saw that at Gerry’s house after the round…and even more so later Saturday night.” (More on THAT later.)

“This game is easy.” Air Bud

Proving once again that golfers can look “different”, Air Bud Woodworth broke the mold once again Saturday with a gross 79, good for second place and a small measure of respect and revenge. The Avon Lea Open has not been Air Bud’s most successful tournament over the years with rounds in the 90’s commonplace. However, he broke the mold in a big way with a 39 front that included 6 rock solid pars. “Getting off to a good start in this cold weather was paramount, especially with my artificial feet.” said an ecstatic Bud. “I heard the laughing in the parking lot when I actually showed up for this event, so I figured it was time to show them that I could actually play this course, and then show them some turkey skin in the hot tub at Gerry’s.” Air Bud’s back nine 40 and total round did not include a birdie, but birdies were going to be hard to come by on a 4 degree day that included a whipping north wind and rain. “Rangs aren’t my specialty anyway.” said Air Bud. “I am out on Tour to recoup some self-respect and maybe, just maybe, a BBQ chicken breast and beer when it’s all said and done.”

Rounding out the Top 3 Saturday was none other than Grampy. A man who has dominated the Avon Lea Open in his career, winning twice and finishing second on his other occasion. So a birdie-birdie start was not all that shocking Saturday…well ok, it WAS shocking, to a playing group that was aghast at what they would be up against all day. “I hit 3 of 18 greens all day and the Old Man was complaining about barely breaking 80.” said a disgusted Commissioner. “He was in the money 10 minutes into his day and I am out there blowing on my hands to try and get an ounce of feeling in my hands, let alone a birdie.” However, Grampy would need all the money he could muster on this day. After a solid drive on the Par 5 6th hole, calamity would strike. A viscous swing netted a less than stellar result after his club head went flying further than his ball. “I have been using that club for 37 years, so to see that club head leave the shaft was like watching your toddler walk drunkenly across the 101 highway. Maybe some more epoxy will save it.” Great job Grampy!

The Par Heard ‘Round the World 

Congrats Doug! Even I can make a par buddy!

Not many know this, but I haven’t known The 4th Reich very long. The first round of golf I ever played with him was just 4 years ago at the Avon Lea Open. I marveled at his Bill Lynch Shows “Tilt-A-Whirl” swing and his steely veneer. So that first round, we stood on the second tee of the Par 5 2nd at Avon Valley GC with yet another 30 km/hr wind and rain blowing in our face…and looking straight uphill to the green. The 4th Reich slashed and scurried his ball up that giant hill into the wind, and when it was all said and done, he had recorded a tidy 8. A tirade of Germany profanity lashed out of his bilingual mouth…and I giggled out loud. “How could he be upset?” I thought to myself. “Did he actually expect to make par or better on that hole with his less than Dustin Johnson length.” Well, like a proud father, I am here to announce, that after 4 attempts at the Avon Lea Open, Doug Irwin made a par up that monster yesterday morning on a day that looked and felt like the day I played my first round of golf with him. Congrats Doug, I will put a beer in the bank at the KenWo bar for you…Now if you REALLY wanna impress me…Birdie the f***** hole ya Big Baby!

“But Wayne…I Don’t Even Like Skiing!”

Martock Mountain…The Road Ahead

“It’s been 10 years since I have been this scared!” I screamed to myself last night as I whispered The Lord’s Prayer. How do things go from 0-100 mph so quickly? While many of you were warmly tucked in your beds at 9pm last night after a round of golf, a hot tub bath and a yummy BBQ. Me? Where was I? Not in bed until 1am. While some of you were snoring away, I was traversing a logging road straight up in the air, a road the width of a half tonne truck on a cobble-boulder road on steroids, up Martock Mountain. Martock Mountain you say Derek? But that’s not on the way to your home in Wolfville? You would be correct. I had no idea until last night that people partied on the sides of mountains…let alone BBQing rib eye steaks while doing so. I heard rustling and grunting in the surrounding woods, noises so uncomfortable that I swear I won’t play “fart games” with any of you on the golf course anymore. The sound of cracking wood on a deck not meant for a 300 lb man like myself. A mountain so high that I swear alcohol even freezes (Like my legs in shorts and flip flops last night)…and then we had to go back DOWN!

But first, I had to watch a crazy man named “Big Dog” descend that mountain, on THAT road, on a f***** motor bike! A man a legitimate 6’5, dwarfing the bike like I dwarf a lawn chair, careening staight downhill and into the darkness. We didn’t see  his body on our own descent, so I can only hope he made it home safe!

I didn’t sleep so well last night gentlemen, recalling the horror of seeing such a narrow, bumpy road, hearing the crunching of broken bones from the 4 men stuffed in the open cab at the rear of the vehicle, colliding with the steel frame. It all reminded me of just why I don’t like heights…and why I have never been to Ski Martock. Thank-you all just the same…it is a night I will never forget.

News, Notes & Quotes

*”I think I now officially qualify as a Windsor/Falmouth Adventure Tour Guide. However, I really don’t know what those two towns look like because I have only ever visited them IN THE PITCH F***** DARK!” ~The Commissioner

*Thanks a million to Gerry & Joan Elliott for their stellar hospitality Saturday. It’s so good I am like his dog “Bear”…I never wanna leave.

*Thank-you Kevin Poirier for bringing the YUMMY sausages! They were to die for!

*2017 RYDER CUP- POIRIER vs GAVIN  “KCA SKOOL DAZE” Sign Up now!

*Next KWGA Social- Saturday July 1- Tupper Lake- Mark Your Calendars Now…Something is BOUND to happen. Don’t miss out!

*Saturday in Pictures

Blah Blah Blah…”Captain” Lou Albano-Hennigar enthralling a trapped, select few with yet another story of “The One That Got Away.”

“So many swings to count…Mike, go ask Gerry for a calculator please!”

“Don’t get up boys…I’ll take care of everything.”

“Can I get a website username and password already? Sheesh.”