MAN, MYTH…LEGEND

BIP STRIKES AGAIN AT “THE CHESTERFIELD”

Shinnecock Hills CC, Ken-Wo GC or Chester, it doesn’t seem to matter to the KWGA’s newest star, a man so famous he is now known by only one name. No, it is not Prince or Tiger or Liberace…it’s Ken-Wo’s own, BIP. On a week that saw the Tour travel to the South Shore and beautiful Chester Golf Club, the former Acadia Axemen football great terrorized the sod on the seaside course, firing a staggering 64 net en route to a two stroke victory over Where’s Waldo and by three strokes over former Sheriff Low Blow. Time and again BIP avoided the watery graves that envelop Chester GC while finding the centre of the club face, even while carting with a certain senior citizen who no doubt attempted to talk his face off. “I really have to attribute this season’s early success to a new workout regimen.” said a beaming and surprised BIP from the deck overlooking the Atlantic. “I am not on any “point system” nor am I avoiding red meat like a certain golfer right of Ted Nugent. How ridiculous is that anyway? Listen, I know the boys are probably scratching their heads at me winning twice already this season but they need to learn to get used to it. I am not going away. Heck, they still talk about The Pope at Acadia and that was 30 years ago!”

After driving the 60 minutes to Chester with the 4th Reich, BIP seemed calm and relaxed after learning the German alphabet through an interpreter on his Sirius Satellite station. “I was kinda zoned out.” said BIP. “I thought it was the radio nattering on but it was actually Doug talking the whole time. I know that seems in-congruent but you know, cows only roam on 4 legs and graze when we drive by those Valley pastures in our cars, the rest of the time they stand on their two hind legs and eat with a fork and knife. I bet you didn’t know that.” said a philosophical BIP. With a positive mindset, BIP went ahead with the task at hand, and for a 29 handicap, that simply means “nothing stupid”. A front nine 47 was highlighted by a par at the Par 3 8th hole and a stop for air the turn. A par at the Par 3 12th showcased his growing knack for finding lost money on the course’s shortest holes. “When I feel right nothing can stop me out here.” said BIP. “The Commissioner keeps finding people to play with me or this would not be possible. Grampy served as inspiration today. The man shot 76 and lost to me. Just to see that frustration on his face was priceless. He has to realize I am not one of his sucker poker buddies he plays with on Monday nights.”

Also making noise Saturday was Where’s Waldo, who began the week as a 16-1 underdog, however, scared odds-makers by finding birdies at the Par 4 9th and Par 5 15th en route to a 77 gross (66 net) and a runner-up finish. The spring portion of the season has been Charlie Chaplin-esque for the former Acadia attendee, whose eyes were wrapped by his David Duval signature series black shades upon arrival at Chester GC. It was a look that melded perfectly with the threatening sky that painted the day. Only a double bogey 6 at the devilish Par 4 13th stood in the way of a win on this day. “That hole is a prick.” said a hurried Waldo. “No one told me right of the fairway was death or that past the flag was automatic 3 putt territory. Plus that fairway made me seasick.” Luckily for Waldo, Mr. Waszczyk was there to save the day in his smooth riding semi-truck as the duo were quickly whisked away from anywhere near the Shore Clubs evening festivities. “Neither one of us could risk it.” said a double-taking Waszczyk. “We are both well known at that joint and it was best we stayed away. Plus I heard they had more Mounties waiting for us there than when the Royal Family visits.”

“Boys, I would seriously advise against it.”

Who would have thunk it? After breaking every traffic law on his way to the course, nobody could have expected the level of play from The Sheriff that arrived at Chester GC Saturday morning. “I broke out the old uniform and put the light on the roof of my car for old times sake today.” said a giggling Sheriff. “I was actually hoping one of them South Shore “smokies” would try and catch me. Nothing like an old fashion race I say!” A stellar 82 gross (67 net) meant his first Top 3 in what seems like an eternity. A pedestrian front nine 42 was followed by a surprising back nine 40 gross that featured pars at #10, #14, #15, #17 and #18. As he said following the round, his putter held him back from victory. “I am not used to short sticks.” said a smiling but disappointed Sheriff. “I never was. I was always told on the dockyards of Yarmouth growing up that playing golf was for sissies. I wasn’t worried about missed four footers back then but I sure as hell am now after missing about 5 of those little bastards today.” Sheriff, that’s why we make you putt ’em buddy, otherwise we wouldn’t stand a chance at beating a guy like you!

FITBIT AND FITNESS FREAKS?

“It’s your turn next Gary.”

An elephant in the room…it’s like when someone farts at church on a lovely Sunday morning. You know it happened, but it never seems right to address it. To hell with that I say! The KWGA also can no longer avoid the elephant in the room, and I am not talking about gas. I am not sure if Richard Simmons has made a comeback to inspire some of our brethren, but whatever it is, it seems to be working. We have two guys on a “point system”, a system that luckily seems to discount liquor, another guy eschewing the virtues of red meat after tearing into it for the better part of 50 years. Another guy finds a girlfriend and turns his body into something just north of Michael Phelps. Another guy checks his “fitbit watch” more than Flyer and Red Sox scores and another who pointed his 9-iron east and found the Acadia Athletic complex for the first time since his Axemen won the College Bowl in 1981. Now all we are missing is the plastic surgery to smooth out the rough edges. Great job fellas…Keep it up!

NEWS, NOTES & QUOTES

*”You fellers have a good buzz on?” -Chester’s finest    After leaving Chester GC Saturday afternoon, The Hunchback belatedly realized he needed to make a phone call. Of course said phone was in his golf bag, securely fastened in the cab of the truck. So everyone was forced to stop and park in a local residents driveway. This writer then said hello to the resident to which he uttered his question. I guess everyone in Chester that pulls over is considered drunk?

“Kev, did you find your phone yet?”

*Next Saturday is the RYDER CUP…Fingers crossed that we get an even amount of players. Please contact me via EMAIL this week if you want to play. Also, we will need volunteers to get tee times. Let me know if you can help out. Thanks! The teams will be picked Wednesday night and I will post them as soon as I get home from the golf course and draft.

*There will be a BBQ Social at Bob’s in Wolfville following the round. It might be nice to let me know if you plan to attend so that we can have enough food there…or that we don’t buy too much and waste.

PS…Mark, don’t forget to bring the trophy.

*Next Saturday the KWGA will welcome Dan McNally, a former Ken-Wo member and local legend. Looking forward to seeing you and that gorgeous golf swing Dan-O!!!!

*Thanks again to Dan Fraser for hooking us up this week! Hope to be back down again soon!

*As many of you probably know, Scott’s mother passed away this past week. I just wanted to send my regards to Scott publicly and I know the rest feel the same as I do. Great seeing you out Saturday Bud! Hang in there!

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! FIRED UP ALREADY!