There may be some dust on the bottle…but every once in a while you blow it off…and you find a fine wine. So it was Saturday morning as Rene “Shooter” MacKay turned back the clock and looked like a 40 year old Cabernet Sauvignon on the fairways and greens of KenWo GC, firing a sweet and silky 71 (65 net) to take home one of the KWGA’s most coveted titles, the Holly Sonders Golf Channel Memorial, for his first career KWGA victory. The Shooter had been criticized over a career winless streak that had spanned 3 seasons but that all came to an end Saturday. “This is the first year my wife has let me play for Holly.” said a beaming Shooter. “I spent many a day on the sofa when I was single watching Holly on the Golf Channel in my Under Armour, so to win her tournament, I can’t just put it into words. It’s like a movie coming to life in a way. I know this win will make the boys more jealous than any other week on Tour. Everyone wants to win Holly.”

With the Golf Goddess looking on, The Shooter seemed both excited and jangled as his opening tee shot flared wildly to the right, making his 15 pars on the day that much more remarkable. A Front Nine 37 got even better with a birdie at #13 that sent his round into overdrive. Word spread quickly around the hallowed grounds as a 71 sighting out of the former Provincial Jr. killer had been as likely as a drinking spree with Sparkles and C-Mac. The Shooter than ran through The Valley 5 Gauntlet with 5 straight pars to put the bow on a pretty prom dress, giving him a victory lap cushion and a victory to savour. “I had forgotten what it was like to mentally grind on golf, when all eyes are on you and you have to perform. There were more things going on in my group than a fire drill at a Youth Hostel.” said The Shooter. “When you consider I had Grampy playing a match with Bobby T. and Maxwell-Smart giving me parenting and pet tips, that’s a heavy load. “Winning a KWGA event is great…but winning Holly’s tournament makes that 6am alarm clock all worth it.”

Another man made mincemeat out of The Valley 5 Saturday in a bounce back performance. Just one week after a 91 gross, Mr. Wildcat Poirier corrected the error of his ways, firing an 80 gross (67 net), to catapult to 6th from 9th in the FEDEX Cup Standings. The career second baseman sniped birdies at #6 and #14, setting fire to a round that had Magic 97 FM scrambling to get their “Summer Fun” caravan to KenWo’s grounds. “People can say all they want about me when I am not around but what they can never say is that I will lay down in the face of competition.” said a steadfast Wildcat. “The Sheriff can tease me about my son being taller than I am all he wants. Or Gavin can say he wears sexier golf attire than I do. I don’t care. The KWGA is about dealing with these kinds of distractions, firing back…and having fun. I don’t drive from Halifax every Saturday expecting to get kisses, so when I win the “I Bagged Holly Back Nine” contest, hell yes I am going to gloat!”

Rounding out the Top 3 this week was perhaps the KWGA’s Quietest Golfer. A man of few words, fewer fingers and for the first 2 months of his KWGA career, even fewer birdies. However, all that changed Saturday morning as Hacksaw Schofield, who went birdie-less again, dug deep when it counted most to finish with his best score of the season (68 net). “I am sure many in this league are wondering if I am a golfer.” said a relaxed Hacksaw. “I know I give off this air of nonchalance but there is a fire inside to compete and play well. Getting comfortable in these surroundings after a two year layoff has been difficult. It’s kinda like a convict re acclimating into society after doing a stint in the penitentiary. I find myself staring at birds and chasing squirrels when I am out on the course now. I need to stop that. I see bigger and better things in the season’s second half.”

FEDEX CUP UPDATE

With just five weeks left in the regular season, the race for playoffs spots has heated up. Two remaining Majors loom large with the KWGA Players Championship next week and the Canadian Open on August 6 and that means everyone is still alive for the right to play for the title. Injuries and family vacations have derailed some players’ efforts to crack the Top 8 but two good showings in the Majors would be just the tonic to doing just that. Grampy Burke continued his dominance of the standings after another solid performance at The Sonders. He could take the rest of the regular season off, like he does playing the blue line in his old-timers hockey league, and still make the playoffs. The Commissioner seems comfortable, simply showing up week after week and gobbling up points.

WHO TO WATCH FOR

Perhaps the early season’s biggest surprise has been the play of KWGA Chris “Inspector Gadget” Rushton who has skyrocketed into the Top 8 with a win at The Heritage two weeks ago along with several other Top 5’s. Mr. Wildcat Poirier has also worked his magic lately, jumping three spots this week, from 9th to 6th. There is no doubt the Kentville product feels a sense of urgency to make up for last season’s debacle in the FEDEX Final. Making waves below without much fanfare is last season’s surprise, The Sheriff, who has shown signs that he may be dropping weight, his cell phone during rounds and a few lower scores that have him teetering on the brink of the playoffs. But can he sustain his concentration long enough? Or will his house of golf come crashing down like some rotten siding? Only time will tell.

ARE YOU STILL THERE?

Johnny “The Denim Cowboy” Kenny began the 2016 season with a solid start. However, a mid-season injury seems to have derailed the Wolfville magnate. However, word has it that he has shrugged off the injury and his doctor’s advice and will be returning to the Tour very soon. Let’s hope so, because the world needs more Johnny Kenny’s…and men who still wear denim. Kevin “The Hunchback” Newcombe’s Tour sebbatical looks to be over as trips to PEI, Cape Breton and Lower Canard are in the rear view mirror. With his wife away in Italy on a paper and bottle drive raising funds for his many habits, more time can be spent on hitting balls and the bottle, a scary thought for the rest of the KWGA. Lastly, Where’s Waldo? I mean it…where has he been all season? Nobody knows how to circle the wagons quite like Waldo…can he muster up two solid Major outings and sneak back in the playoff hunt? Or will the maddening magnetic draw to Gigglers Bar and Bowling simply be too much for this once grand champion?

KWGA PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

I don’t know about you, but admitting you have a problem is difficult. One of the most common issues most men have on a hot and humid golf outing is sweating…and with sweating comes salt. What is common knowledge is that sodium and chloride are both corrosive substances that can cause serious teet irritation. The common fallacy is that scotch tape or butter will eliminate this problem. Not true. The only thing that will truly eliminate this problem is a cow lick and a buddy’s understanding smile. No more suffering in silence guys…you are not alone. Personally, I am tired of walking KenWo’s fairways all summer suffering without as much as an understanding glance or smile. So no more ignoring your buddy or feeling uncomfortable saying anything. Thank-you for your support.

NEWS, NOTES & QUOTES

*”I should be home in bed…but I am here…giving everyone else pnuemonia (ENTER WHOOPING COUGH SOUND EFFECT HERE).” ~Weasie

*”Where’s The Hunchback this week fellas? It’s Special Olympics day here at KenWo. I knew he would get lost…or did he just mix in? Either way, I’m confused” ~The Commissioner

*During the week of July 25-29 KenWo is closed for members for the Canadian Ladies Championship. There was not enough interest in a Digby overnight trip. So here is Plan B.

Tuesday July 26- PARAGON GC ($30)- Paragon is giving a lowered rate to KenWo members during this time period.

Thursday July 28- CHESTER GC (TBA)- I will post details of cost once I hear back from Rene.

Let me know if you are IN for either of these day trips. I will post a running list on the right side of the website.

*Next Saturday is a MAJOR TOURNAMENT (KWGA Players) and a social gathering after golf in Tupper Lake @ Mike and Mark’s cottages. All are welcome to attend. IT IS A CO-ED EVENT SO FEEL FREE T BRING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. Hope to see everyone there!

*TOURNAMENT AND TEE TIME VOLUNTEER BOXES HAVE BEEN POSTED ON THE WEBSITE. The deadline to sign up is Monday @9pm.

See you next week! FIRED UP!

~The Commissioner

WASN’T IT WORTH COMING OUT THIS WEEK RENE?