“DOUBLE CUT…DOUBLE ROLLED”

“The Shooter” Warns of Lightning Quick Conditions

The Shooter MacKay takes time out Wednesday to give some love to the best club in his bag. “Love me or hate me…I will roll the rock baby.”

With just three days left of preparation before Saturday’s KWGA Masters, Rene “Shooter” MacKay made a cameo appearance on Men’s Night in what can only be called a minor miracle. After a dormant spring, the Antigonish product will make his 2016 debut on Tour at Saturday’s Masters, something he has been looking forward to. MacKay has been a factor in all but one major in his career and after a T9 last year, it looks like the fire is back in his belly. His swing looked crisp and rhythmic as KWGA-TV reported Holly Sonders caught up to him on the tenth tee.

Holly: “Shooter, this Saturday your course will be the focal point of golf in Canada. What can we expect from you and this course when play gets under way?”

Shooter: “Fabulous to see you Holly. I feel like a kid again. Being around the boys this week has reminded me of just why I love golf and competition. There is something wrong with you if you can’t get fired up this week. The boys can expect the fastest greens of the season this Saturday as I have instructed the maintenance staff to double cut and double roll the greens. I am sure they will jangle a few nerves out there but what’s golf without a challenge? I see so many funky strokes and longer putters on Tour that I have to make sure I whittle the field down a bit. I don’t play as much as I used to Holly so I will work the angles when I can. I may even call in Craig “The Caveman” MacDonald to rattle The Commissioner if he gets off to a hot start. It worked in last year’s Players Championship.”

Holly: “What specifically have you been working on with your game this week. Rumour has it that that driver of yours is acting up again. Do you think you can win this week with the course tilted to the left?”

Shooter: “You should know me better than that Holly. This game is won from 100 yards and in. I’m going to make my share of putts and I have my squirly wedges working right now. The only thing smoother than my wedge swing right now is that cashmere skirt you have on.”

Holly: “I know you have to go, just quickly, who are the men to beat this week?”

Shooter: “Other than myself, I’d have to say Grampy is at the top of the list. That Fisher guy is coming off a win last week but I have my eye on Double Double too. I hear he shot 74 today with 2 birdies. But you know what? It’s really all about me and the golf course. That’s the beauty of net scoring. The fact that I am not playing with Where’s Waldo this week is also worth at least 2 strokes, so I feel like I am playing with house money right off the first tee. Quick fast and firm Holly. Let’s get this thing going!”

Other News from Wednesday

*The KWGA has warned KWGA rookie Trevor Schofield that his beard/scruff has come in violation of Rule 13 (b) subsection 3 which states any members that have facial hair causing (a) black flies and stray cats to be attracted to his foursome (b) smells and odors from lunches or dinners from 3 days prior or (c) young girls to run screaming shall be assessed a 2 stroke penalty.

*In yet another break from the norm, KWGA veteran Kevin “The Hunchback” Newcombe walked off KenWo after 13 holes Wednesday. The Windsor resident claimed he had a Tavern League softball game to attend. “Listen fellas, nothing wrong with my game right now, it’s finely tuned. When one is as confident as I am, you don’t need to play 18 holes to be ready for Saturday. Plus my softball team needs me at shortstop. The infield is all over 60 years old and leans on me to track balls down in the hole. Don’t worry or feel sorry for me. I will be ready when the bell rings Saturday morning.” ~The Hunchback.

*German sensation Doug “The 4th Reich” Irwin will make his final appearance on Tour Saturday with hopes of breaking his KWGA winless drought which stands at 24 tournaments. “If I can get the house cleaned, the lawn mowed and my mind free of hockey preparation, then who knows? This course knows my ball flight and I know where it likes to bite me back. If I can get in Grampy’s slip stream maybe he can pull me along until it gets to be winning time in The Valley. If not, I’m just gonna order pizza and drink Peach Schnapps like I have for the last month.”

THIS COULD BE YOU…