WHERE THE MASTERS WILL BE WON…

AND LOST

Everyone at Ken-Wo knows that their rounds depend on good inner thoughts, relaxation, some Ibuprofen and maybe a good bounce or two along the way. Some golfers depend on those bounces while others wince in pain at the very thought of their ball nearing a tree line let alone the trunk of a tall, green maple. With that said, lets take a look at some key holes for the 6th annual KWGA Masters.

Hole #4   Par 4  367 Yards

No matter how scared you are to hit a shot…it could always be worse.

There is no denying that this is the hole that Ken-Wo starts to show its teeth. Players are forced to take into account wind direction and the dryness of the terrain leading to the creek that cuts this devilish Par 4 in two. Ponds, traps and out of bounds also make even 3 handicappers squeeze their clubs just a little tighter as they fire toward a sneaky deep green. Week to week on Tour, scores here rang from 3-10. Play can get backed up here like a cheap toilet. If the pin is placed in the front left portion of the green, then 3 putting comes into the equation. “This is where you see guys start to giggle nervously and tell ribald stories to cover up how anxious they are.” said the Commissioner. “Personally, I start getting gas on the second green thinking ahead to the 4th. Thank God that part of the course is semi-private.”

Hole #7  Par 4   412 Yards

This hole starts with a must drive in the fairway to even have a chance at par but what lurks ahead is Ken-Wo’s most unforgiving and difficult putting surface. There is no easy pin placement but a front right pin guarantees at least one calamity within a foursome, if not three. Why is this a key hole? Any player who manages to snag a par or heaven forbid a birdie skates off the green gaining 1.5 strokes on the field on average. How do I know? I did the math. “This hole can be a springboard to a win, especially for those 13-25 handicaps that graze in our league. It’s also embarrassing and demoralizing for single-digit handicappers to watch John Amirault roll in a 38 footer for birdie. If his wife could see how he celebrates I know she would be embarrassed.”

Hole #10  Par 4   360 Yards

Why #10 you ask? Because this is where guys’ concentration sometimes tends to wander. After a trip into The Turn for an alcoholic cider and maybe a bathroom break, thoughts meander to “Jesus, #15, #16 and #18 are going to play into the wind again today.” The next thing you know, your in trouble off of #10 tee, chipping out from under a tree, crossing a road or hitting from a severe downhill lie to a green that springboards golf balls to the back of the green quicker than a Grampy Lahey cheque. Double Bogeys are common here and for a single-digit handicapper, that’s two strokes they will be wishing they had standing on #16 tee.

Hole #16  Par 4   424 Yards

“Someone go ahead and hit…I’m not quite emotionally ready yet.”

This hole has played into the wind since the days when disco and corduroy were in style, maybe longer. It’s the one hole that double-digit handicappers feel the pain of their lack of length or accuracy. The goal is always par but nobody curses when they walk off that green with a 5. The unspoken truth about this hole is that everyone in the group is begging and praying that nobody hits the ball left, up the steep embankment, an embankment that has no doubt ripped out the sides of many a pair of golf shoes. Not to mention that anyone over 240 lbs knows what I am about to say…OUR FEET ARE POUNDING SORE BY THIS TIME IN THE ROUND. PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME CLIMB THAT HILL FOR YOUR GOLF BALL! THANK YOU JESUS. Phew, great drive Mike.

Hole #18  Par 4  399 Yards

If you want to win a Masters, you can’t screw up this hole. Just ask Gary Johnson, who in 2015 held a 3 shot lead on the final hole, only to perform his rendition of Tin Cup, dunking no less  than 4 balls into the pond on his way to a 13. Hitting this wide fairway should be easy, but as we know, from an elevated position the wind has more of an effect on your ball making this a semi-treacherous tee shot. However, the real difficulty is finding the right depth on your approach. The flag always seems to look closer than it really is like when your wife wearing her flannel pajamas and curlers in her hair. Add in a gallery of finished golfers overhanging the green and what you have is your first look into what its like to play golf on TV.

Good luck gentlemen. This is why a fake PGA Tour was created. Hopefully you will have a shot like this to win a Masters! Can you pull it off?